"Welcome to Orlando"
Just landed at MCO
Friend asked me where we should go
Told her "I don't really know"
She took out a brochure to show
"This is where the tourists go".
It's a theme park called EPTWAT
I told her "no, Let's just not"

Crowded and overrated
Overpriced and outdated

EPTWAT is where the tourists go
When they come to Orlando
Stands for "Extremely Pointless
Time Wasting Audience Trap"
Why would I wanna visit that?
I'd rather visit somewhere best
Not a tacky tourist trap
Why waste money on that crap?

It's crowded, its overpriced
It's not really all that nice
Its packed, and it's also hot
Let's just not go to EPWAT

Why would you wanna pay
To shop and drink all day?
Not today, that's not how
I wanna spend my vacay
Just a giant shopping mall
Next to a giant golf ball
Not futuristic at all.
Stuck in the 70's
But built in the 80's
EPTWAT is not my first pick
I'd rather go somewhere "Epic".

Overpriced and outdated
Crowded and overrated

EPTWAT is where the tourists go
When they come to Orlando
Stands for "Enormous Pathetic
Tourist Wallet Abducting Trap"
Why would I wanna visit that?
I'd rather visit somewhere best
Not a tacky tourist trap
Why waste money on that crap?

It's crowded, its overpriced
It's not really all that nice
Its packed, and it's also hot
Let's just not go to EPTWAT

She asked "How 'bout the Tragic Kingdom?"
I said "No, that's not very fun'
"Why did you come to Orlando
If a theme park you don't wanna go?"
Told her: "Kissimmee is where to be
Where we can make some tourist dough
Where the horny fathers go
So they can hire a ho
While their families play
At a theme park all day"
They should rename this city "Whorlando"

Whorelando, Whorelando
Let's go to Whorelando
Where horny fathers go
To hire a ho
Whorelando, Whorelando
Let's go to Whorelando
Where horny fathers go
So they can hire a ho

EPTWAT is where the tourists go
When they come to Orlando
Stands for "Extremely Pointless
Time Wasting Audience Trap"
Why would I wanna visit that?
I'd rather visit somewhere best
Not a tacky tourist trap
Why waste money on that crap?

EPTWAT is where the tourists go
When they come to Orlando
Stand for "Enormous Pathetic
Tourist Wallet Abducting Trap"
Why would I wanna visit that?
I'd rather visit somewhere best
Not a tacky tourist trap
Why waste money on that crap?

It's crowded, its overpriced
It's not really all that nice
Its packed, and it's also hot
Let's just not go to EPTWAT

It's crowded, its overpriced
It's not really all that nice
Its packed, and it's also hot
Let's just not go to EPTWAT

Whorlando, Whorlando
Let's go to Whorelando
Where horny fathers go
To hire a ho
Whorlando, Whorlando
Let's go to Whorlando
Where horny fathers go
So they can hire a ho

"Or maybe we could just visit Sea World instead?"